Sunday 28 June 2009

A Modest Proposal: Death to Fatties

Amanda Platell (Who's with me to get her on the 4th Plinth in Trafalgar Square?) once wrote a Daily Mail piece calling for no NHS treatment for 'fatties' but I don't think it goes far enough.

I know this might be unpopular but please bear with me.

I think fatties should be culled on sight and their blubber used to power homes. Think of the money saved on energy bills? Think of the money saved treating fatties and their related ailments (gastric intervention, cardio, knee replacements, increased cancer incidence etc) on the NHS?

And what a great situation for fatties really if you think about it. What greater motivation could there be to get exercise than an angry mob chasing you? Fatties will be thanking us for helping them.

Going out to get supplies would be so dangerous fatties would either:
  • Run out of food and lose weight at home until they were slim enough to go out
  • Go out for food and lose weight getting chased by an angry mob (Fattie Parkour?)
  • Get culled by the mob and become a power source
And lets face it, the fatties are not happy in themselves so we are just putting them out of their misery. Win-win-win all round then. We need to find a humane way to cull them though. Any suggestions?

No point wasting any time looking for causes of obesity like:
The food industry will have no Big Tobacco-esque case to answer in the future. Obesity is ONLY caused by a lack of willpower to resist eating and to exercise more. If the earth looks flat then frankly it probably is.


  1. Errr.. well, all the morbidly obese under-10s I know (and I know plenty, both here and in US) may have slow metabolism, but they *do* eat quite a lot of ice cream and Kitkats. Sorry. Agree that food industry has had total free reign on advertising (and how did they ever get allowed to imply that CHOCOLATE cereal is nutritious? - but what parent ... Read Morewould believe that and buy it?) and have created gobs more 'empty' foodstuffs. But we all have to resist buying them (or eat them occasionally but take a walk to balance things out). Moderation, moderation, moderation (boring but effective!)

  2. :) Of course...not gonna argue that self-control is no help of course. I would agree that good parenting and moderation is key but business spends a lot of money making it hard to resist and when kids are involved they should not be allowed. Period.

  3. I haven't found it hard to resist eating so much that I become fat. Obviously businesses must be subliminally targeting the fatties amongst us and making them fat through no fault of their own. If my kid asks for sweets by the checkout,I say no. It's a piece of cake, no bun, I mean pun intended.

  4. Thanks for your comment anonymousse, sorry, anonymous ;) I think will-power is a major part of it of course as is good parenting. I also think people eat for lots of other reasons: physiological and psychological, that we do need to include in the mix here when establishing how best to prevent obesity.